Picks and Pans Review: Life Lessons

UPDATED 03/28/2011 at 01:00 AM EDT Originally published 03/28/2011 at 01:00 AM EDT

FROM JERSEY SHORE

Season 3 of MTV's smash hit ends March 24. What inspiring pointers did we learn during the season's standout moments?

1. SNOOKI'S ARREST

She partied into the day and fell over in the sand like a bowling pin, so the cops took her away. Her dad told her he was disappointed, not mad. This sobered her up. Briefly.

LESSON: To tame a Snooki, shame a Snooki.

2. JENNI'S GUY TROUBLES

Jenni broke up with her boyfriend back home and pursued an unpromising relationship with a strangely elusive local guy.

LESSON: Don't be a JWOWW if what you want is know-howw.

3. THE HAZING OF DEENA

Newcomer Deena, Snooki's BFF, struggled to fit in. One might ask why you'd want to fit in with cave dwellers. Still, she cried. It was sad.

LESSON: Besties with Snooki is frenemies with everyone else.

4. A SORRY SITUATION

Prank-loving Mike "the Situation" called a cab for Deena and Snooki but gave the driver secret instructions to drop them off in Manhattan. As comeuppance, the gang smeared his bed with cheese.

LESSON: A six-pack belly does not make up for a one-track mind.

5. RONNIE & SAMMI'S WAR

The couple were like pro wrestlers, showing no respect for physical boundaries. A miserable spectacle.

LESSON: Know what? Skip the lesson. You guys just aren't good for each other.

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