Tina Fey Agonized over Having Second Child
04/07/2011 AT 01:15 PM EDT
During a visit to her gynecologist, she broke down.
"I went for my annual checkup and, tired of carrying this anxiety around, burst into tears the moment she said hello," the Emmy winner, 40, writes in her new memoir Bossypants. "I laid it all out for her, and the main thing I took away from our conversation was the kind of simple observation that only an impartial third party can provide: 'Either way, everything will be fine.' "
The 30 Rock star revealed during Wednesday's taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show what her decision ultimately was: She is now five months' pregnant.
In her memoir, Fey recounts her battle with the work-vs.-family issue, particularly acute for a woman in Hollywood who is entering her 40s.
She felt "stricken with guilt and panic" when her 5-year-old daughter Alice – probably "the only child in her class without a sibling" – would say, "I wish I had a baby sister," and the Fey recalls how she would "debate the second-baby issue when I can't sleep."
"I get up to go to the bathroom and study myself in the mirror,” she writes. “Do I look like someone who should be pregnant? I look good for 40, but I have the quaggy jawline and hollow cheeks of a mom, not a pregnant lady. It's now or never. This decision can't be delayed."
A successful producer and writer as wells as an actress, Fey took stock of her career. "Science shows that fertility and movie offers drop off steeply for women after 40," she writes.
But then, she wonders, "What's so great about work anyway? Work won't visit you when you're old. Work won't drive you to get a mammogram and take you out after for soup."
In the end, she realizes, "Hollywood be damned. I'll just be unemployable and labeled crazy in five years anyway."