What 19-year-old ... boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.
ON A HIGH SCHOOL HOOKUP
He was the Cream of Wheat of making out. I would try it every now and then, thinking maybe I'd like it, but every time: no.
ON FANCY PHOTO SHOOTS
With the wind blowing on your long extensions, you feel like Beyonce. The moment the wind machine stops, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and wonder, "Why is the mother from Coal Miner's Daughter here?"
ON WORKING-WOMAN ETIQUETTE
No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly ... [but] if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.