Mindy McCready: My Son Keeps Me from Wanting to Die
12/09/2011 AT 06:45 PM EST
"Zander saved my life," the embattled singer, 36, who has attempted suicide several times, tells ABC News's Andrea Canning on 20/20 in an interview scheduled to air Friday night. "Every time I wanted to let go and give in, I remember what he did for me. [I love him] more than anything. He is my little angel."
McCready – who was recently found hiding Zander, 5, in closet in Arkansas a few days after taking him from his legal guardian – admits that "everbody makes mistakes," but she doesn't consider snatching her son as one of them.
"Do you have any idea what it is like to have one minute with him after having four and a half years without him?" McCready says of the little boy, who is currently in foster care. "[Imagine] not being able to have one second holding him, smelling him and touching him. I'm not going to give up one minute, not for anything, not for anyone."
The troubled country singer lost custody of her son to her parents during a substance abuse battle. She claims her mother, Gayle Inge, physically abuses her son, alleging she's beaten him with a wooden spoon.
"There are scars on Zander's back … scars on his bottom and his legs from the spoon," says McCready. Inge vehemently denies those claims.
"My mother believes she is a prophet sent from God," McCready continues. "They see dead people in their home all the time – spirits, demons, ghosts. They were encouraging my son to go around with them to churches and stand up on stage and, you know, scream gibberish."