01/13/2012 at 03:05 PM EST
Hiding in the bathroom, breaking down in tears on multiple occasions, arriving late to the rose ceremony on The Bachelor
, blogger Jenna Burke even appeared to have a hard time completing a sentence in front of Ben Flajnik.
But when the 27-year-old New Yorker spoke with reporters after being booted, she was shockingly calm, well-spoken – and even able to laugh about her "obvious breakdown."
Why such a hot mess?
[I thought] it was perfect timing. I was changing my career, getting over a breakup and ready for a life change. I wanted the experience and to see if I could find love. But it was more intense than I anticipated.
Did you have time to develop feelings for Ben?
I watched The Bachelorette
with Ashley. Ben stood out. I thought he was cute and like his style. He's more my type than the typical bachelor. [During] the play, we made eye contact and I had butterflies in my stomach. I don't think I could say that I could marry a guy after one date. In real life, I need more time to build a strong relationship.
You had to know your emotional breakdown was going to garner unwanted attention from fans.
Yeah, but I didn't know my name was gonna be a hashtag. I had to imagine that if I were watching, I'd be saying the exact same things. At first, I cringed. I'm in a much better, stronger place in my life so I was able to watch and laugh at myself. My emotions and nerves got the best of me. I'm human.
Back on the market now?
Eventually, I want to find somebody, [but] I'm not dating. I'm focusing on myself. When you build a stronger relationship with yourself, everything else falls into place. I'm so much happier than when I went on the show.
Do you understand why Ben sent you home?
I would have sent myself home. It was just one thing after the next. I was nervous. I misquoted him. The confrontation with Monica. I cried a lot. Men don't like drama and I showed that side of me the first night.
Speaking of Monica, where'd you leave it?
Me and Monica made up. We had bad first impressions. The next day I didn't want to feel anymore uncomfortable than I already did so I approached her. I got to know the real Monica and she got to know the real Jenna. We ended up being in a play together and I had a blast.
This week Blakely and Courtney became the villains. Your thoughts?
My first impression of Blakeley was weird, aggressive and she doesn't want to be friends with anybody except Monica. As I got to know her more, [I realized] the girl does have a heart and she deals with her insecurities [by being] aggressive. … I only had one conversation with Courtney. I know she was a model from Santa Monica and she played with her hair a lot. She kept to herself. There's a serious case of Jekyll and Hyde. Their date went really well. But when she came back to the house, Courtney No. 2 came out. That scares me.