02/14/2012 at 12:05 PM EST
Now that she's out of rehab
, Kim Richards says she's not the same person she was on season 2 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Richards, who appeared on part three of the show's reunion Monday night, admitted to host Andy Cohen that she is an "alcoholic"
but said now that she's completed her third stint in rehab she is "happy to be home and I feel good."
But that's something she hasn't felt in a while. "I had so much guilt and shame for my behavior and what I did and then I drank to cover the guilt and shame and make it go away," she said. "It is a vicious cycle."
Although she's now confident in her recovery, she says watching herself on TV is too difficult.
"I don't know what the heck is going on there but I feel bad for her. It's just sad," she said after Cohen showed footage of Richards disoriented and staring at trash in the back of a limo.
"I really just couldn't watch. I couldn't bare to see [myself]," she continued. "It wasn't me. The voice wasn't mine. The mannerisms weren't mine. Nothing about that person was me."
As she moves forward in sobriety, Richards says her relationship with her family is on the mend. "I'm so grateful," she said.