Bill and Giuliana Rancic
Andrew Eccles/The Style Network
04/04/2012 at 09:00 AM EDT
Giuliana Rancic has opened up about her breast cancer diagnosis
, as well as getting a double lumpectomy
and a double mastectomy
to treat it.
But on Tuesday's season premiere of her Style Network reality show, Giuliana & Bill
, she takes her fans into her darkest moments and describes the moment she heard the devastating news.
"The second I heard the 'cancer,' I just remember my head went down, the ground went away and I just dropped through the earth, and I was just dropping, falling," the E! host says.
Telling the story wasn't easy for Giuliana, who broke down in tears during the show.
"It's not easy talking about it because it's like the worst second of your life. It's just awful," she says. "Everything you expect that conversation is going to be like – it's a hundred times worse, maybe a million times worse, because those are the words you never want to hear."
Making matters worse: Her husband Bill Rancic was on a charity mission for Operation Smile. "Bill was just heartbroken," Giuliana says of telling him her diagnosis on the phone. "He couldn't believe it."
Bill says in the episode he felt "helpless" and "a million miles away." "As a husband you never want to see your wife suffer," he says. "You never want to see your wife go through pain. Our job is making everything okay."
But life goes on, and Giuliana had to go to New York Fashion Week for her job while keeping her secret. Next up, the Emmys. "It was hard putting a smile on my face. At the same time I was excited to do interviews so when I was in the moment doing those things it was a great distraction. It was fun," she recalls. "But then the second I would walk away – boom, I was miserable again."
But of her decision to share her story with the public, Giuliana says she wanted to help other women. "Something like this can happen to you but you can still be strong and you can survive and you can get through this," she says, echoing what she said in her interview on the Today
show during her first interview about her breast cancer.
"If you can just find it early, you can be okay," she told Ann Curry in October. "I will be okay because I found it early."
Giuliana & Bill
airs Tuesdays (8 p.m. ET) on Style.