05/22/2012 at 12:00 PM EDT
's lyrics could often pass for
the mushy musings of Fifty Shades of Grey
's favorite control freak, Christian Grey
But when it comes to steamy romance, Selena Gomez
might be feeling a little bit blue these days. (No offense, Justin Bieber
In a Funny or Die
video parodying the erotic series-turned-book club sensation
(turned movie deal
!), Gomez meets Carl Blue, a painter, who does not share Grey or Bieber's good looks.
"His eyes were staring deep into mine. I could feel my cheeks getting flushed," she muses in the video, while her overall-clad crush coughs and comments on her cat food-smelling house. "I hope he didn't notice."
He paints her wall blue (and she channels E L James's lip-biting, hair-twirling heroine Anastasia Steele
), but it's no storybook ending. Her man leaves when the paint job is done, and, paying homage to James's melodrama, she's left missing her man.
"He had changed me," she says. "I'll never be the same."