I knew my week in Thailand would be difficult. This was the week on The Bachelorette that Emily Maynard sent me home in Curacao, so it conjured up feelings of heartbreak. I also knew as The Bachelor I would have to do the same thing to one of the final three women, whom I cared for deeply. And I felt the stress of caring for each woman equally.
I had hoped that I would have a clear favorite by that point, but that wasn't the case. The final three all had a piece of my heart and it was up to me to figure out who was best suited for me.
I couldn't wait to see Lindsay. It felt like it had been weeks since we spent time together in her hometown. We always had such a fun time together, so I knew she would be the perfect person to explore with in Thailand. Going to the market with Lindsay was such an incredible experience. She was willing to try everything, including fried bugs and chicken feet.
After we had our fill of food, we ventured to the beach, which was home to a ton of monkeys. This was one of the coolest experiences of my life and I was so happy to be sharing the moment with someone I cared for so much. As Lindsay and I were kissing in the ocean, I remember thinking about how happy she made me and what a comforting feeling it was. We ended our day with dinner and a performance by traditional Thai dancers.
Everything about my time with Lindsay felt right and I knew I was starting to fall in love with her. Hearing her tell me she loved me solidified what I saw in her eyes every time she looked at me.
Life with AshLee?I was excited for my date with AshLee for so many reasons. It had been almost ten days since seeing her in Houston and I missed her. AshLee was a frontrunner from the very first night. She seemed to have everything that I was looking for – and I think she was the best for me on paper.
However, I was definitely aware that I didn't seem to laugh as much with AshLee as I did with Lindsay and Catherine. AshLee was always very intense and I had to decide if I could be with someone who didn't share my sense of humor.
Our date was incredible, though. Swimming through the cave and finding the beach was one of the coolest things I've ever done. As AshLee and I talked on the beach I kept asking myself if I could marry her, and the answer always seemed to be yes.
I started to convince myself that I could overlook the lack of laughter because her other qualities were so wonderful. We finished the date with dinner by the ocean and I thought it was so great that AshLee voiced her concerns about the overnight date. I think she was really relieved to know that I shared her same outlook. We spent the rest of the evening talking about the future. Once again, I could envision my life with AshLee.
After sending Des home, I wondered if I would wake up and realize that I had made a mistake. Fortunately, that was not the case. Instead, I woke up and realized that I couldn't get enough of Catherine. I was always so happy around her and I think despite our different lifestyles, we were actually a really good fit together. Her sense of humor, her adventurous nature and her intellect kept me wanting more.
Our snorkeling date was fun, but my favorite part came later. That storm swept in so quickly, and we rushed back to the boat for cover but the moment seemed too romantic not to share a kiss in the rain. I knew I was falling in love with Catherine. That realization led me to the next one ... I had to send AshLee home.
Agonizing DecisionI've said from the very beginning that I was looking for my best friend. Being with Lindsay and Catherine seemed like they could be that. I didn't have the same feeling when I was with AshLee. Of course, she brought me joy and I could picture her being my loving wife and a fantastic mother to our children, but I knew I needed more.
I want to create a home full of laughter and I need to share my life with someone who is adventurous. And as much as I wanted that person to be AshLee, I knew that it wasn't.
Watching AshLee's video blog was agonizing because I knew that she had given her whole heart to me and I was about to break it. I absolutely dreaded the rose ceremony. I did not want to blindside AshLee the way Emily blindsided me. After taking a deep breath and handing the last rose to Catherine, I was really upset to see AshLee's reaction. Not because it made it more difficult for me, but because I knew she wouldn't have closure if she didn't allow me the chance to explain myself.
All I wanted to do was console her and give her closure and talk it out. But I could tell that she wanted to leave my side as quickly as she could. Who was I to try and stop her? It was agonizing.
It was an emotional rollercoaster to experience such a low and then to walk back and look into the eyes of two women I loved. I remember thinking, I only have one more week to figure out who is the better fit for me – and that I was going to needevery second of that time.
Thanks for watching,