Unbreakable by Jenni Rivera
07/02/2013 at 03:00 PM EDT
Jenni Rivera's life seemed to consist of a series of struggles that led up to the fatal plane crash
that killed the Mexican-American superstar in December 2012.
Rape, a suicide attempt at 19, domestic abuse by her first husband and her mother's miscarriage all contributed to what is shared in her memoir
, which was released by Simon & Schuster's Atria Books imprint on Tuesday, which would have been Rivera's 44th birthday.
"Mommy would have me rub her belly to get me acquainted with the little girl that was on the way," Rivera wrote in an excerpt obtained
. "She wanted to have a baby girl so I could have a sister and we could grow up together and be lifelong friends, just like her and her sisters. It would be perfect. Two boys and two girls. But my mother's wishes didn't come true."
The singer – who penned the book before her death, between concerts and time with her children – also revealed a secret love: a pot-smoking "cholo" who loved her "for the passionate, down, crazy, gangsta woman I was when the spotlight was off," she said in a different excerpt
obtained by NBC Latino.
In February, the singer's sister, Rosie Rivera said in a statement: "I miss my sister every moment, but on days that I want to feel her close, I open her book written in her own words, and feel her right next to me."