08/01/2013 at 02:00 PM EDT
always brings the drama – but this season, it brings the heartbreak.
Evelyn Lozada – who is now divorced
from Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson following a domestic violence incident
– kicks off the first episode with an emotional exchange with her mother, Sylvia Ferrer, about what it was like losing both her husband and her brother-in-law Anthony Ochoa
in the same week.
"It's just like the timing is crazy," Lozada says. "It's like two of my best friends just gone. Which feels f––––d up. You know?"
That's when she breaks down into tears.
"Why is this happening to my life? That's my brother and then he dies right after the incident with me and Chad ... Words can't even explain how dark I felt – like, this can't be my life," she says.
Lozada's mother – who also looks shaken up about all of the loss – offers some encouraging words to her daughter. "It's going to hurt for a while, but you're going to bounce back – you always do," she says.
It's been almost a year since Johnson allegedly head-butted
Lozada – then, his wife of just three weeks – after she confronted him about a receipt for a box of condoms she found in his car. And after being treated for a "pretty good sized" laceration later that week, Lozada lost a family member – her brother-in-law Ochoa, who died after battling cancer.
Ochoa, who was married to Lozada's sister, Sylvia, escorted her down the aisle during her July 4 wedding to Johnson last year.
premieres on VH1 on Aug. 19 at 8 p.m. ET.
See the clip below: