Patrick Swayze in Road House
11/27/2013 AT 11:00 AM EST
It's the Third Law of Hollywood: All '80s action movies must eventually be remade for a modern audience, whether that audience specifically asked for them or not. 1989 cult classic Road House
became the latest to enter the process on Monday, when MGM confirmed
it had signed up director Rob Cohen
to helm the project.
While Cohen can't touch original director Rowdy Herrington
in the name department, he did make The Fast and the Furious
, so the man clearly knows his way around an action sequence. But with all due respect, the success of the Road House
reboot will rest not on its director but on its cast. Is any modern star capable of stepping into Patrick Swayze's pleated khakis
? It's a tall order, but that won't stop us from trying to fill it. Below, we outline the stars we want to see drinking and having a good time down at the Double-Deuce. And if you don't like our choices, remember: Be nice
Channing Tatum as James Dalton
Patrick Swayze in 1989, Channing Tatum in 2013
Everett; Ken Katz / Startraks
Yeah, we thought he'd be bigger, too. There are plenty of action stars who have the raw physical ability required to play Dalton, and even a few who could sell a line like "pain don't hurt." But of them all, only our Sexiest Man Alive for 2012
can tap into the spiritual/philosophical yearning – you know, man's search for faith, that sort of stuff – that made the Swayze character a true original.
Blake Lively as Dr. Elizabeth "Doc" Clay
Kelly Lynch in 1989, Blake Lively in 2012
Everett; Amanda Scwab / Startraks
The role of Doc, to put it plainly, is not one of Roadhouse
's most challenging. It mostly requires an actress who can pull off scrubs, and look convincingly distressed when Dalton does things like this
. Blake Lively
played a businesswoman in Green Lantern
and was suitably emotional in The Town
. She gets the part!
Alec Baldwin as Brad Wesley
Ben Gazzara in 1989, Alec Baldwin in 2013
Besides being the baddie, Brad Wesley is also the funniest character in Road House. Just look at the way he drives down the street
. Alec Baldwin has years of experience playing the hilariously egotistical Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock
– imagine what he could do with a line like this
– and he'd bring an aspect of threatening physicality to the role that Ben Gazzara, for all his strengths, didn't really manage in the original. Plus, Baldwin's certainly got the free time now
Sam Elliott as Wade Garrett (Again)
Sam Elliott in 1989, and in 2013
Everett; Jason LaVeris / FilmMagic
Sure, we could go and cast one of the Expendables
guys as Wade Garrett, and everyone could have a little knowing laugh about the sorrow of aging. Or we could just bring back Sam Elliott again. Why mess with perfection?
And now, check out the trailer for the original Road House.
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