11 Life Lessons Learned From the Bonnie & Clyde Miniseries

12/10/2013 at 04:45 PM EST

Emile Hirsch and Holliday Grainger Star in Lifetime's Bonnie & Clyde
Holliday Grainger and Emile Hirsch in Bonnie & Clyde
Joseph Viles
In part two of A&E/Lifetime/History's mini-series, Bonnie and Clyde – played by Holliday Grainger and Emile Hirsch – have lost all sense of abiding the law. They are no longer simple bank robbers; now they are packing heat and unafraid to use it. The only thing standing between Bonnie, Clyde, and all that money is William Hurt as the dogged lawman who comes out of retirement to capture 'em.

We watched every bloody moment of Bonnie & Clyde's finale to glean lessons from this classic tale of love, crime and scrapbooking.

1. Never miss a chance to wear red lipstick. It's just a good life choice, in general.

2. Crime doesn't pay. As they are fleeing the scene of a robbery with the cops hot on their tails, Bonnie gasps, "All of this for 47 dollars?" Clyde's response: "$46.32."

3. Don't let people who use big words intimidate you. To wit: "I’m claustrophobic!" “Well, I'm Baptist, get in!”

4. Be careful of who you friend zone.The kindly local sheriff who tried to woo Bonnie ended up tracking her throughout the South and following her trail to the very (bloody) end. If only she'd gone on a date with him.

5. Even Bonnie didn't smoke. The truth behind the tabloids: "You smoke, Bonnie Parker?" "No, I was raised Christian."

6. Even ruthless criminals know that music is an important part of life. Clyde took his saxophone on the lam with him and never missed an opportunity to sit shirtless on the bed and give Sexy Sax Man a run for his money.

7. If you ever hallucinate a bunny and then your girlfriend buys one, beware. Rabbit feet aren't always so lucky (and we're sure PETA agrees).

8. A vacation cures everything. On the run from their crimes, with dissension in the ranks growing and more cops on their trail, the gang did the only logical thing: Vacation! Cue The Go Go's.

9. If you bleed all over a man's counter, he will call the cops on you. Nowadays he'll call 911, but same difference.

10. Do not flirt with a murderous bank robber's girlfriend. You'll end up with a black eye, on the side of the road or dead (or a combination of all three).

11. Never ever utter the phrase, "I'm just enjoying how beautiful everything is." That's when you hear the revolver click, and then you die in a hail of gunfire that even the Weather Channel app couldn't have predicted.

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