01/10/2014 at 02:00 PM EST
As rumors swirl
about the state of Tori Spelling
and Dean McDermott's marriage, a "devastated" Spelling remains focused on her kids, a friend tells PEOPLE.
While Spelling, 40, has not publicly responded to the reports, "She's much more heartbroken than anyone realized," says the pal.
"She's flipping out and is completely devastated. Remember early last year when the tabloids wrote something [about marriage troubles] and she blasted them on her website?" adds the friend. "Now she's not even doing that."
On the question of whether Spelling will stay in the marriage. "I don't think she even knows what she's going to do right now," says the source.
"But no matter what, she's staying strong for her kids. She's all about her family. She worships those kids" – Liam, 6½, Stella, 5½, Hattie, 2, and Finn, 15 months.
"I don't know if she's strong enough to leave him right now with everything she's going through and four young kids," the friend notes. "She could stay with him or not. God only knows."
For now, Spelling, who was photographed with McDermott in Los Angeles on Thursday, remains focused on keeping the family intact.
"Not just her marriage, but all of it," says her friend. "And it's not for her business and TV career but for her family."