01/30/2014 at 10:45 AM EST
Rarely does a moment go by without Tori Spelling
finding time to post
to her website, ediTORIal
. And the day that her husband, Dean
, publicly announced he was entering rehab
was still a workday for the multitasker.
While McDermott, 47, apologized, saying he would be working on "some health and personal issues," Spelling posted Valentine's Day gift ideas
to her blog.
The 40-year-old actress, mother, writer
, businesswoman and DIY maven has since added style and recipe updates, including pictures of her crew of four kids: Liam, 6, Stella, 5, Hattie, 2, and Finn, 17 months.
"She once said she would never split up her family, and she seems to mean it," says a source close to Spelling. "However, after the latest cheating rumors, Tori must have put her foot down. She likely gave him an ultimatum."
Whether or not the couple work through this difficult time or part ways, friends say that it won't because Spelling wasn't trying.
"She's a very hands-on mom," says another source. "[And] she's the financial force behind their family. She's the one who is ultimately responsible for supporting their family. The pressure on her has always been enormous."
For Spelling, having four kids in only seven years has taken a toll on the self-professed perfectionist.
"It's always been important to her to keep her husband happy, even when it's hard for her because she's been sick or pregnant," says a friend. "So the fact that, after all that, he cheated on her so publicly is devastating."
Now that McDermott is in rehab, friends say the couple has shown a depth of commitment to working things out.
"I'm sure Dean is suffering as well right now. He's a good person in so many other ways and he truly loves Tori," says a source close to the couple. "She's not going to give up without a fight, and neither is he. Her family was always her dream come true, and it's going to be hard for her to give up that dream.
"They both love their family."
For more on Spelling's struggle and the couple's relationship, pick up the new issue of
PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday