"I am such a huge film buff, I've nicknamed my genitals the Criterion Collection ... commentary by Peter Bogdanovich."
Robert Redford's lost-at-sea drama, All is Lost, was "Life of Pi without the tiger budget."
"The Someone to Watch Award will be presented by Mia Farrow." (Cue audience "Ooooooooh.")
To Bruce Dern: "I really want to buy you a drink after this and talk about how Nebraska came together ... not the movie, the state."
And after Andy Samberg and Bill Hader sent an envelope in by drone to present the best supporting actress honor to Lupita Nyong'o, Oswalt came back onstage with a torn shirt.
"This is not from the drone – Bruce Dern just kicked the s––– out of me backstage."