And Jean-Claude Van Damme as Secretary of Defense

01/19/1999 at 12:00 AM EST

Veteran Variety columnist Army Archerd has offered his services as presidential press secretary to Warren Beatty when and if the movie star takes office. "I promised not to pull a George Stephanopoulos and reveal any presidential or White House insider info when I leave after Beatty runs for a second term," Archerd reveals in today's column. And Warren's reaction? "Beatty laughed, but I wasn't kidding . . . then again, it's hard to know when Warren is or isn't kidding. It's also sometimes hard to know what Warren is saying, since he is so often saying nothing."