Colin Quinn

10/03/2003 at 10:48 AM EDT

Former Saturday Night Live star Colin Quinn is long gone from the Weekend Update news desk, but he's still tackling the tough issues with his Comedy Central talk show Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. The program, recently renewed for a second season, features Quinn presiding over a rotating roster of trash-talking comedians.

Quinn, 44, recently did some trash-talking of his own for PEOPLE, riffing on the California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the summer's mass blackout and, of course, the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez phenomenon.

Who would get your vote in the California recall election?
I'd like to think I'd vote a certain way, but once you're in there and you see Gary Coleman on the ballot list, it'd be hard not to pull that lever.

It would be very tempting for people like me to just say, "You know what, the world, I hope it just blows up," and then just pull Gary Coleman's name. It's too funny that his name would be on the list. Then if he became governor, we could really laugh.

So, is Gary Coleman the funniest candidate?
Yes.

Why?
Because he's short.

What do you think of the California recall election overall?
Well, it's so hard for me to care. On one hand, you want to keep the government in control in a certain way (and not have the recall). But on the other hand, if I was one of those people who lost my job over the past couple years, I'd probably want to recall (current Gov. Gray Davis), too.

What do you think of all these candidates?
I just said it on the show – democracy doesn't work, let's give up. None of the alternatives work either, except anarchy or monarchy. I think a nice monarchy might be just what we need.

And who should be king?
Well, I'm not going to start throwing my crown into the ring on this one. But I think it would be a natural progression – Reagan, Schwarzenegger, then me.

Seriously, would you run if you could?
Not right now – there's too much of a cluster. Plus, I don't need to be in those positions. I believe I could do it, just like every other lunatic in the world. But at the same time I don't know if I'd want them digging into my sordid past.

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