Comics Rake Donald Trump over the Coals

By Stephen M. Silverman

Originally posted Friday October 15, 2004 03:00 PM EDT

Photo by: Matt Baron / BEImages

Donald Trump got a taste of his own medicine Friday: Rather than dishing out the tough talk, comedians and friends took turns bashing The Apprentice star as he was honored at the Friars Club annual roast in New York.

The fur started flying early, despite roastmaster Regis Philbin's warning to roasters from the entertainment fraternity: "If you want a piece of Trump, you'll have to go through me."

Stepped over Reege was more like it, and by the end there was no survivor (not even Richard Hatch, also on the dais) in their wake. The language was so rough that afterward Trump apologized to both his fiancée, Melania Knauss, and to Katie Couric, of whom Friars dean Freddie Roman had said: "She's a little cranky. She's been dating one of the owners of the Boston Red Sox (ex-boyfriend Tom Werner), which means she hasn't gone all the way since 1918."

And that was one of the clean jokes. All told, over the course of the 2-1/2 hour banquet, there were about a dozen rude references to the Donald's hair, some two dozen about his private parts – and those of some other people who weren't even there, such as Star Jones and Michael Eisner.

Said NBC chief Jeff Zucker: "A lot of people come up to me and say, 'You're a lot like Donald Trump: you're powerful, you're rich, and you're bald.'"

Among the other notable (and almost acceptable) comments tossed at Trump:

• "You realize, if your (rich real-estate developer) father wasn't born first, you'd be a f-----g waiter at this affair."

• "I read your book. It only goes up to Chapter 11."

• "I know what (Melania) sees in you – a billion dollars and high cholesterol."

• "God owns more real estate, but Donald has a bigger ego."

• "Donald doesn't have any skeletons in his closet. They sit on both sides of him in the boardroom of The Apprentice."

• "Actually, The Apprentice wasn't the first show that Donald pitched to (NBC). The first was Extreme Combover."

• "Donald, I got the invitation to your wedding, and I thank you. I won't be able to make it, but I promise to catch the next one."

• "The reason Mr. Trump puts his name on all his buildings is so the banks know which ones to take back."

• "He asked his fiancée if she'd love him if he were poor, and she asked him if he would love her if she were ugly. They laughed and laughed."

• "They asked Rodney (Dangerfield) to do this roast, but he said: 'I'd rather be dead.'"