Jen Voices 'Anger' over Brad's Behavior

08/02/2005 at 07:00 AM EDT

Jen Voices 'Anger' over Brad's Behavior
Mario Testino exclusively for Vanity Fair
Jennifer Aniston reveals fury, pain and even sarcasm – as well as forgiveness – in her first interview since her January separation from her husband of 4 1/2 years, Brad Pitt.

In a story titled "Jen Finally Talks! (And talks and talks. And cries. And talks....)" for September's Vanity Fair magazine, the former Friends star declares: "Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. But I'm also doing really well."

Aniston, who filed for divorce in March, speaks out about erroneous reports claiming she didn't want to start a family with Brad ("I've never in my life said I didn't want to have children. I did, and I do, and I will!") and she gives her reaction to seeing published photos of her estranged husband frolicking with his Mr. & Mrs. Smith costar, Angelina Jolie.

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"The world was shocked, and I was shocked," says Aniston, 36. "I'd be a robot if I said I didn't feel moments of anger, of hurt, of embarrassment." As for the shots of Pitt and Jolie playing with her young son Maddox, "I can't say it was one of the highlights of my year," Aniston admits.

Aniston is working with a therapist to deal with the situation, she tells the magazine, which has released advance copies of the issue to media outlets. As for what happened behind the scenes of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Aniston, who says she had bought Brad's claim that he remained faithful to her, now says: "I just don't know what happened. There's a lot I don't understand, a lot I don't know, and probably never will know, really.

"I choose to believe my husband," she goes on to say. "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised by anything, but I would much rather choose to believe him."

Even so, Aniston (who reportedly grows tearful when asked to comment on rumors that Jolie might be pregnant with Pitt's child), says: "There's a sensitivity chip that's missing (from Brad). ... He makes his choices. He can do – whatever. We're (about to be) divorced, and you can see why."

Unable to resist taking a swipe at Pitt's recently peroxide-enhanced scalp, Aniston snaps: "Billy Idol called – he wants his look back."

And yet, she reveals, "I love Brad. I really love him. I will love him for the rest of my life. He's a fantastic man. ... I really do hope that someday we can be friends again."

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