Paris's Dog Tale to Set Tongues Wagging
The $9.95 tongue-in-cheek tome, to be published by Warner Books, is the work of D. Resin, who began his opus as an Internet blog poking fun at the pampered pooch in Paris's purse.
As Tink reputedly tells Resin (no doubt through a translator): "A mere bitch hasn't had a ride this good since Marie Antoinette before the butler let the mob in."
Of the unauthorized nature of the book, which contains some very real photos of Tinkerbell (or, at least, the dog's doppelganger), Resin says, "The Hilton camp lawyers saw the blog post and laughed," reports USA Today.
For her part, Hilton, 23, has said that when it comes to the men in her (Paris's) life, "Tink has a big say. If she likes a guy, I know they're good. I'd go out with a guy who was really funny and honest – or someone Tinkerbell really liked."
Resin quotes Tink as adding about her owner: "She doesn't do anything but dance alone in some corner, and all the guys sort of find their way to her, one at a time, like bees."
Doggie also describes Hilton at fashion shows as follows: "Paris is easy to lose back here. She normally sort of looks like a giraffe in the monkey house, but here she's just another thin blade of oddly dressed grass with a blank expression in a lawn of the same."
Earlier this week, Tinkerbell, who had been missing since Aug. 11, was returned to her happy human. "She is safe at home," Hilton's rep, Gina Hoffman, confirmed to PEOPLE – though no details were provided about the condition of Tink or where she was found.
The hotel heiress was willing to pay a pretty penny for Tinkerbell's safe return, upping the reward from $1,000 to $5,000 when she posted signs all over Los Angeles on Tuesday with a picture of herself and Tinkerbell with the message, "Please help. This dog is like a child to me."
At first, Hilton family personal assistant Wendy White claimed the missing pup was her dog Napoleon, a ruse to throw off any potential kidnappers from holding the real missing pooch for ransom.
"Paris is devastated," White told PEOPLE. "Whatever was needed to get Tinkerbell back, I was willing to do."