Robert Pattinson Admits All the Tabloid Rumors Are True

11/19/2009 AT 09:30 AM EST

It's all true, Twilight fans: Robert Pattinson is dating a costar, is engaged, has had a drug overdose, and has had an injury involving his derriere. All of it.

"I actually come up with these rumors myself," the British actor, 23, laughingly told Matt Lauer on Thursday morning's Today show.

In a chuckle-filled, rapid exchange of questions and answers with the morning host, Pattinson squarely took on all the outlandish rumors that have dogged him for the last few months – and jokingly fessed up to each and every one.

"You've been dating nonstop," Lauer said.

"Literally nonstop, yes," Pattinson said, looking relatively serious.

"You're dating a costar whose name rhymes with Tristan Blewart," Lauer said.

After a stammering, laughing pause in which he stared at the ceiling and formulated a dodge about the ever-simmering romance rumors, Pattinson answered: "Tristan Blewart ... there was a Liston Hewitt last year. That would be true, yes."

And so it went: Engaged? Yes. Hit by a cab? Yes. Had a drug overdose? Yes.

"And this talk about butt accident, butt injury? What was that?" Lauer asked.

"That was my mother giving birth," Pattinson said between guffaws.

Seriously, though, the actor said he was still shocked by the fame that the vampire saga has brought him, and has to use his professional skills to keep his sanity.

"I speak in an American accent when I speak to the crowd," he said. "I feel like it's acting. I mean, I think it's the only way I don't go completely mad."

And he's well aware of the irony that he almost missed out on being in Twilight because he wasn't getting enough recognition.

"The day before I had this audition, I was going to quit acting," he noted, adding, "I guess it's not quitting when you're not acting – it's surrendering to fate."

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