Duchess Fergie: Wedding Rejection Was Hurtful
updated 05/10/2011 AT 10:00 PM EDT
•originally published 05/10/2011 AT 01:40 PM EDT
Which is precisely what Oprah Winfrey inquired of Duchess Sarah Ferguson. The talk-show host's precise words: "Were you invited or were you not?"
"I was not invited, and I chose to go and be in Thailand in a place called Camelia and ... the jungle embraced me," Fergie, 51, responds, in an interview taped Friday and set to air on Wednesday's The Oprah Winfrey Show.
The Duchess of York, who is divorced from Prince William's uncle, Prince Andrew, described the snub as "so difficult. Because I wanted to be there with my girls and … to be getting them dressed and to go as a family. And also it was so hard because the last bride up that aisle was me."
Those "girls" are daughters Princess Beatrice, 22, and Princess Eugenie, who sported much-discussed hats to the Westminster Abbey ceremony.
"In fact," says Fergie, "when Andrew went with the girls, we were talking all morning and he was saying, it's okay. Just remember we had such a good day. Our wedding was so perfect."
The rejection had a particularly shattering effect, she admits, "because we're such a unit together. He made me feel very part of the day on April the 29th."
Fergie also touches upon the spirit of the groom and Prince Harry's mother. "I think Diana would be so proud of her son," she says. "And – both of them, you know? They did a great job. And I really love the feeling that sort of Diana and I both weren't there. But I'm here to say how proud she would have been, and Kate looked utterly beautiful.
Returning – at Winfrey's suggestion – to the feelings of rejection by the Royal Family, Ferguson says, "I think what I felt was that I went through the phase of feeling so totally worthless and that [it] was quite right they didn't invite me. Why would they?"
In 2010, Ferguson was caught on camera accepting money in exchange for a promise of business access to her ex-husband.
"Did you feel ostracized by them?" Winfrey asks bluntly.
"No, not ostracized," Fergie answers. "I felt that I ostracized myself by my behavior, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake? Why have I made so many mistakes? So I did spend a good three hours on that."