Rather, the awards show gained most of its star power from a slew of inanimate objects, from the gag book Aziz Ansari read in the audience to Jonah Hill's hokey bear hat.
Here are the things – like, actual things – that made the show magic.
1. The Lightsaber with which Jacob Tremblay battled Giuliana Rancic.
We are officially ready for children.
2. Ricky Gervais's beer.
Isn't it weird when a prop is funnier than the person holding it?
3. Jonah Hill's bear hat.
Alongside Channing Tatum, Hill presented as the bear from The Revenant. "I've notoriously done zero press for the film. I'm a Daniel Day or Tom Hardy type of actor that doesn't like my face out there that much. I would like to thank Leonard, my co-star," he dead-panned.
4. The book Aziz Ansari is reading – Losing to Jeffrey Tambor with Dignity.
Ansari should have brought Losing to Gael García Bernal with Dignity. Also, Aisha Tyler brings up a legitimate point: Who reads hardcover anymore?
. @azizansari next kickass bit. Who reads books in hardcover anymore? Also please buy my book. In hardcover. Thank you.— Aisha Tyler (@aishatyler) January 11, 2016
5. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell's 2016 glasses.
We need all the reminders we can get that it's 2016. (We're still convinced it's 2014.)
6. Exposed obliques.
"Who's currently crying over Jennifer Lawrence?" pic.twitter.com/iJjQFWVwj9— ✧ stacy ✧ (@HlJACKEDKATNlSS) January 11, 2016
7. Channing Tatum's hair.
good charlotte is back and channing tatum is ready pic.twitter.com/pi8sAGgmd5— jeff in real life (@thecultureofme) January 11, 2016
8. THE COOKIES THAT TARAJI P. HENSON HANDED OUT WHEN SHE WON BEST ACTRESS FOR HER ROLE AS COOKIE IN EMPIRE.
we do not deserve Taraji pic.twitter.com/BBZLdVcKca— Aaron Edwards (@aaronmedwards) January 11, 2016
We are not worthy of Taraji or her cookies.
Runner up: The lucky, lucky chair that Ryan Gosling sat on.