Gwen Stefani is still holding the details of her divorce close to her chest, but even she has to admit "it's a really good, juicy story."
In a new interview with The New York Times, the "Used to Love You” singer, 46, reflects on the most difficult time in her life. "If I could, I would just tell you everything, and you would just be in shock," she says.
In early 2015, a source confirms to PEOPLE that Stefani discovered her husband Gavin Rossdale was having an ongoing affair with their children's nanny (Rossdale has not commented on the allegations).
"I'm gonna die," Stefani told the Times about her mindset at the time. "I am dead, actually. How do I save myself? What am I going to do? How do I not go down like this?"
With three young children (sons Kingston, 9, Zuma, 7, and Apollo, 2), the star says she plunged herself into songwriting (her new album This Is What the Truth Feels Like is out March 18).
"Being in that room and being creative, it was the only place that felt good – I was like, I love the smell of this room," she says. "It's almost like one of those movies where they discover they have magic. When I was able to write a song, that's when I found my whole self."
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She also found friendship – and ultimately, love – with her fellow Voice coach Blake Shelton, who "had been going through literally the exact same thing in literally the exact same time frame," she says, adding that their romance has been "crazy."
"Never in my wildest, craziest dreams would I ever have seen this coming."