"I turned into a perverted guy. I was like following him into rooms and staring at his ass. I, like, lost my mind."
– Jennifer Lawrence, on meeting celebrity crush John Stamos, on Conan

"Chuck Norris is my father."
– Justin Bieber, who jokingly revealed a shocking paternity announcement on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

"I'm over the moon about the royal baby. But I really can't mount an argument in favor of monarchy. Is that treason? Do I have to turn in my passport?"
– Keira Knightley, weighing in on Britain's royal family, to Marie Claire

"Just goes to show you – if you let the internet decide, it will always choose cats."
– Jimmy Kimmel, on Monopoly's newest token decided by an online vote

"She wants to listen to 'Gangnam Style' and apparently [it's] a big hit among 3-year-olds right now."
– New Girl star Max Greenfield, revealing his daughter's favorite song on Anderson

"Not a damn clue! If I did I would have worn something besides Uggs and a sweatshirt with no bra."
– Kelly Clarkson, on fiancé Brandon Blackstock's surprise proposal, to PEOPLE

"We watch a lot of Dateline. That's usually a hot night in the house, uncovering murders."
– Jessica Alba, on date nights with husband Cash Warren, to Women's Health

"I'm basically the healthiest fat guy you've ever seen in your life."
– New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, while snacking on a doughnut on The Late Show with David Letterman

"I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one."
– The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville, on seeking revenge on ex-husband Eddie Cibrian, in her new memoir Drinking & Tweeting

"Now that I'm 91, as opposed to being 90, I'm much wiser. I'm much more aware and I'm much sexier."
– Betty White, on getting better with age

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