"Just goes to show you – if you let the internet decide, it will always choose cats."
– Jimmy Kimmel, on Monopoly's newest token decided by an online vote
"She wants to listen to 'Gangnam Style' and apparently [it's] a big hit among 3-year-olds right now."
– New Girl star Max Greenfield, revealing his daughter's favorite song on Anderson
"I'm basically the healthiest fat guy you've ever seen in your life."
– New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, while snacking on a doughnut on The Late Show with David Letterman
"I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one."
– The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville, on seeking revenge on ex-husband Eddie Cibrian, in her new memoir Drinking & Tweeting
"Now that I'm 91, as opposed to being 90, I'm much wiser. I'm much more aware and I'm much sexier."
– Betty White, on getting better with age