Filling a courtyard dripped in flowers and chandeliers with my ex-boyfriend and 10 of his ex-girlfriends as I proceed down a large staircase in a giant gown looking flawless and expensive is pretty much my darkest fantasy.
"Lovers of liberty, we are back." Sally Langston's salutation to Scandal viewers was the perfect start to the midseason premiere – all the more fitting because it's now a real-life election year with political campaigning in full swing.
Six months have past since the events of the winter finale, and Olivia is back to work at OPA and incorporating a lot more red into her wardrobe. She's also still a local celebrity of sorts (case in point, the lady who tried to covertly take a cell phone photo of her at a restaurant and then mouthed "We love you!" when she got caught), but her dinner partner, Papa Pope, thinks she should be reaching for more.
"You had the Oval. My baby had the Oval," he beams. "You were running the place, and he was clueless." ("Tell me I'm wrong," he deadpans.)
Teresa Giudice made a conscious decision not to watch Orange is the New Black before she went to prison.
"I just wanted to go in and figure out and see everything for the first time on my own without knowing anything," Giudice, 43, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive video about the time she spent in prison.
For PEOPLE's full coverage of what's going on with Teresa Giudice and her family these days, visit PEOPLE.com/Teresa